You’ve been dumped by a guy, or you both have come to the conclusion that nothing good will come of it. So you come back to the starting point when women seeking men, that is, an empty apartment, or an apartment with a cat or a friend. And if after a few days confetti is flying from the sky again, then cool, let this ball last forever. But if you are diagnosed with any of the following 11 symptoms, shake off better as soon as possible.
So, what proves that being alone does not serve you?
1. You eat like bad
Although you used the kitchen for sex in your previous relationship, you don’t leave it 24 hours a day since you split up. Suddenly you discover the second Gordon Ramsay inside you, although your ass is rather Kim Kardashian. You take turns baking, cooking, eating, and washing. The word “diet” lands in your dictionary of foreign words.
2. You howl like a beaver
Anything that drives you to despair. Empty bottle, full bottle. He even plays in the bottle. Everything reminds you of an ex or an image of a future. You get excited both at the sight of mothers with babies and at the new Durex ad. If you were to compare yourself to one of the points on the world map, it would be Niagara rather than the mythical Eldorado. Although when you look at your wardrobe, it’s more Chinatown.
3. You neglect yourself
You start to wear clothes that even the Figo Fagot Brothers would wear solely for the sake of cheating. You go for stretched sweaters and colorful leggings because nothing works so well with greasy hair. You do not do makeup at all or you are carried away the other way. You dye your hair chicken blonde, make out-of-the-box tips, and complete the whole thing with false eyelashes that can successfully hook on high-tension lines. You look so terrible that even the neighborhood caper tells you “hello” first.
4. You get drunk
You wake up on Saturday morning and think you are going to put the laundry in and then you stand up. Later, you also get drunk on other days of the week. But not with vodka, because you also lack eggs, only beer, wine, or cheap whiskey. You don’t drink a bottle or two, after a week you feel like the bottle yourself. In addition, you listen to Natalia Nykiel, although when you are sober you know well that this music is simply bad. At parties, you are the queen of the party, although your degree of drunkenness is at best a squire. At a critical moment, you propose to pole-dance, but because you’ve just come out of the club, you are eagerly throwing yourself at the road sign. Worse, you miss.
5. You call your ex
Or you text him in bulk. Always drunk and always resentful. One in a thousand will offer sex, but you will withdraw from it anyway because epilation has also been added to the dictionary of foreign words.
6. You wear tight underwear
You exchange stockings for tights that you could easily pull around the neck or at least the navel, and you ritually smoke thongs and tell yourself that you have never really been comfortable wearing them. On the other hand, you are comfortable wearing the panties, and only you, your mother, and the 60-year-old saleswoman from the market who just sold them to you find funny. Preferably pink, blue, or green, with cartoon characters or at least images of your favorite species of dog.
7. You are buying a cat
Because what does it matter who you cuddle with. You call him Garfield, Marian or Salem, because names from fairy tales and series seem so cool and funny to you. You tell your friends that you don’t need anyone else now because finally there is someone next to you who understands you and does not see the world except you. I have a little test for you. Send the cat for a cup of hot coffee. And grow old waiting for him to bring it to you.
8. You lie to others
You keep repeating how cool it is to be single and how much time you have for yourself. When asked when was the last time you went to the cinema, read a book other than that by E. L. James, and if you finally signed up for the gym, you turn your head so hard you’re afraid you’ll eventually get your neck shot. Since you are the master of your time, and slavery has long since been abolished, you do nothing about it. You sit, drink, sleep and cry.
9. You are lying to yourself
You keep telling yourself that you don’t need a guy because your best friend loves you like nobody in the world. It is me who immodestly remind you that this fact does not solve the problem of your orgasms, and certainly the lack of them.
10. You do things that you wouldn’t normally do
You keep telling yourself that what doesn’t kill you will piss you off and that’s why you spend every weekend with your mother from now on. In fact, you hide the fear of being alone, which, as you know, is not the happiest thing for you. The downside is that when you return to your hometown, on every corner you pass neighbors with an all-knowing smile, who have to ask when: a) you are getting married, b) you have a child, c) you move out from your parents. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t lived with them since 1995, even that can do you.
11. You discover new passions in yourself
Alternately: the aforementioned baking, weaving, knitting, cross-stitch, model making, jigsaw puzzles, and activities for the local community. Choose one from the list or hit your head right away and… do something!