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Zardoz is an incredible movie. It features Sean Connery in a sling-kini/banana hammock and giant floating heads who love guns and hate penises. I’m not even making that up. The movie is going to set – it’s a cult classic, and you should see it. But we could have played through it apparently, according to a throw for the game from the late 2000s.
Twitter user (and once Kotaku writer) Supererogatory posted a pitch deck for Zardoz from Patapon developer Pyramid. The idea was to play as the aforementioned floating head, which is also the titular Zardoz. As the chief, you can lead troops of followers to gather grain and use your exterminators to subdue the violent atrocities. Basically it’s like Pikmin, but with a lot more weapons and half-naked former James Bond actors.
Time to finally share one of the weirdest things I’ve ever come across: a pitch for an officially licensed Zardoz game (yes, that Zardoz) from the late 2000s that had Pyramid of Patapon fame on board as a developer. pic.twitter.com/eOsO6VRJy3
— ⬜️◽️▫️ (@supererogatory) Apr 6, 2022
The idea is really solid. As you collect grain, you can exchange it for weapons. You see, Zardoz isn’t really a floating god who thinks weapons are good and the penis is bad. It’s actually a tool of an ancient race of people who give you the weapons to keep the excess population in check, while also using that population to work the land.
But the standout feature of the proposed Zardoz game is the vocal commands feature. Pyramid planned to play the game for the late 2000s Xbox Live Arcade, so expected most players to have the headset that came with all Xbox 360s. It allowed players to shout commands such as:
“Gun is good” – This would trade your grain for extra weapons. “Kill the Brutals” – By holding down a specific button, you can call this command to make your various units attack the enemies. “Enslave” – You can also order your troops to capture and enslave the brutal ones and turn them into peasants. “Grow grain” – Force the enslaved brutes to harvest your lands.
The game is also said to have a multiplayer mode where you can play against other Zardoz floating heads. It even had a global metagame where players could expand their territory on a permanent world map.
We need to know who said no to this game. We must hold them accountable. Video games should be the weird medium where we get the craziest ideas. It’s a moral flaw that we haven’t had a Zardoz game yet. And I don’t know if video games can survive the revelation that we almost had one and yet those responsible didn’t have the guts to actually make it.
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This post I will never forgive who killed this Zardoz video game
was original published at “https://venturebeat.com/2022/04/07/ill-never-forgive-whoever-killed-this-zardoz-video-game/”